FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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