He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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