Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You are a genius and a whore.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
