WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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