Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
