I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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