just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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