did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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