I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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