So drunk its hurt
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize