You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
