My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
