If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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