If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
