he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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