people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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