he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
