Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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