she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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