Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
