who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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