there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
