He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
