Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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