and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
