be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
