i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
