apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
