Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize