are you so shy because you have an std?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
