apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
