why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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