He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
