Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I understand Curling. That high.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
