Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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