dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize