i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
