My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
