I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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