Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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