i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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