He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
