Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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