I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
