I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
