Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
