I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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