Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
