Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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