the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
