also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
