Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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