if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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