You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
