After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
