I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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