How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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