I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
