I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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