I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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