i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
time to smoke my breakfast
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
