Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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