census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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