I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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