I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i will never coherently bang her
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
