I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
