he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
